Hi, my name is Tamara and I’m an alcoholic. This statement was very difficult for me to accept. Let me tell you about my journey to Recovery.
I started drinking when I was 18 but I didn’t have a problem then, I only drank socially. I graduated college at 22 and that’s when I started drinking very heavily but still only socially. I got married at 24 and had a beautiful baby girl but that still didn’t stop me from drinking occasionally. I had a baby boy 2 years later and that’s when the real problems started.
My son was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder and I was devastated. I used this as an excuse to drink. It got to a point where I’d fight with my husband so I could drink. He didn’t approve of my drinking so we had many marital problems that ultimately ended in a divorce. I now had the opportunity to drink all day, every day. Soon my mother gave me an ultimatum- either you stay in my house and stop drinking or if I wanted to drink I should move out. There was only once option for me. I wanted to continue drinking so I moved out.
My drinking increased because I had no one to check on me and this led to my mother taking my children away from me. This caused me to drink more heavily all day because I had no responsibilities. On average I drank one bottle of hard liquor (anything would do) every day. To start my day I needed two shots so my day started with me frantically searching for the bottle I consumed the night before. I needed a drink first thing in the morning to strengthen my nerves and to steady my hands. I had bad withdrawals. I’d get up every night at 4 am when the alcohol effects were wearing off and I would need two more shots to go back to sleep.
During this time I had no personal hygiene. I didn’t wash my face, brush my teeth, never showered and wore the same clothes every day. I wouldn’t eat and so lost a lot of weight. I am so grateful to my boyfriend for sticking by me through this time. No one else would have put up with me. He used to give me a bath and force me to eat and did his best to try to make me stop. I didn’t know what day of the week it was or how the bills got paid. I stopped going to work. All I wanted was alcohol and as long as I had it I was happy.
I was a horrible drunk. I fought with my mother and said the most hurtful, mean things to her. They say we hurt the ones we love the most and was never truer than it was in my case. I don’t know how she forgave me but she did and is my biggest support. I alienated myself from everyone so that I could be left in peace to drink.
By then I knew I had a problem but I was unable to stop drinking. The cravings always got me and I gave in to temptation time and again. I had lost everything to alcohol, my family, my children, my friends, my job and the list goes on. Then one day everything seemed too much and I was overwhelmed and in a pit of depression. I tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building. I was drunk at the time. This was my rock bottom.
My family forced me to go to detox and then sent me to Tulasi. I went along with it because I had no option. I came with the state of mind that I would just dry out for 3 months and everything would be alright. This is when I was most unstable. I had terrible mood swings; I was happy one minute and miserable the next. I would cry all the time. I fought with my Councilor for nothing and demanded that she should be changed. I was a very difficult patient but the staff at Tulasi were still good to me.
Finally after my 3 months were up I was taken home. It was against the advice of Dr. Gaurav who said that I was not ready to leave yet. The result was I went home and relapsed. By this time my mother was at her wits end. She almost gave up on me. I voluntarily returned to Tulasi. The second time around I really wanted recovery. I was ready to trust Dr. Gaurav and stay as long as he saw fit. I listened to my councilor, Ekta and she was always there for me when I needed her. She is now closer to me than my best friend. I learnt to be open-minded and was willing to do whatever it took to stay sober.
I met Mr. Anil Gupta who changed my life with the simple words, “Let Go, Let God”. This is when I surrendered. He gave me tough love which I initially didn’t like at all but slowly made a lasting impact and ultimately changed me. Dr. Gaurav was also very kind to me and always listened to what I had to say. He was very kind to me. He taught me many things about myself that have helped me to stay clean. Most importantly he knew intuitively when I had changed and was ready to face the world, sober.
Today I am sober because of Tulasi. The staff treated me with kindness and helped me immensely to realize that I do not need alcohol in my life. They welcomed me with open arms even though I had relapsed, not many people would have. I have absolutely no complaints about my stay at Tulasi and I would strongly recommend it to any alcoholic or addict that needs help. Through Tulasi I have made friends for life. Every time I visit I feel like I’m coming home.
If you have any queries regarding treatment for alcoholism write to us on [email protected]
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